Making the first move.

Ok, so the first love post starts off slowly, out of pure luck (the articles come in no particular order, just a first come first serve basis).

The First Move.

“She never initiates anything! I have to call her or else she won’t call me!”

Ahh, the typical syndrome of someone who is suffering from the ‘what-if’ itch. This someone will remain anonymous as requested (so no worries mate! ;P)

What-if itch (n.) – An itch that starts with the question what-if and ends with a million possibilities for the cure or the lack of one.

I’ll break this down into two levels**:

(1) From a male’s perspective:

a. The caller (him) dealing with

b. The receiver (her)

(2) From a female’s perspective:

a. The caller (her) dealing with

b. The receiver (him)

**So just hit [ctrl+f] with the topic you’re most interested in, to skip all the rest that you’re not.

(1) From a male’s perspective

a. The caller (him)

All right, so you fancy this girl but you’re unsure of how she feels about you. Every time you call her, you feel that you’re taking a great leap of faith because there’s a 50/50 chance of her not picking up.

Never mind her right now, we’ll get to HER later. Let’s just talk about your state of mind.

First off, I’m sorry to have to break this to you but YOU.ARE.A.MAN. Now, however post-modern you might feel about the whole chivalry-is-dead issue, unfortunately the whole world isn’t convinced. The whole world (or at least the female division), is still deeply rooted to the belief that men were born to make the first move!

Unluckily for you, you have to be able to close your eyes and jump in whatever the outcome. It is what separates the mice from the men really.

Having said that, it’s actually a good thing that you are expected to make the first move if ANYTHING is going to happen. The key is in the word ‘expected’. If it’s already expected of you to make the first move, then you really have nothing to lose except for disappointing her, which I’m sure, isn’t the first thing that crosses your mind when all you want is to win over her affection!

So don’t have a second thought, just call her, she’s probably waiting too!

Call her!

b. The receiver (her) – Quick possible explanations to her behavior towards you and a commitment of female blasphemy.

In the past, women who made the first move would be seen as too aggressive and unladylike. They would be looked down upon whilst sending gentlemen running for the hills. And the social stigma still carries on today.

Explanation 1. : She is too afraid to initiate.

Us women are afraid of how you and the rest of the people around you will see us. We want to be seen in the best possible light. We want to know the feeling of being wanted by the member of the opposite sex. It makes us feel happy and it makes us feel secure.

Self-concious

We read magazines and books on how we shouldn’t be too aggressive because we might scare the object of our affection away, because it puts pressure on his commitment valve.

This is what has been ingrained in our brains for centuries. We don’t act first, because most guys freak out at the first sign of any sort of commitment.

E.g. She calls and texts him every day without fail before they even start to go steady.

This is a red flag to the majority of male contingent. It signifies neediness. Neediness translates to dependency. Dependency = Suffocation to him.

Red Flag War Zone: This Woman is Evil. Me Must Run.

We want to be your heroine, not your nemesis! So it wouldn’t be logical for us to do something that goes against that–hence why we’re waiting for you to let us know your pace, because we’re lovely and adaptable like that. 🙂

Explanation 2. : She’s just busy.

Chances are she had her phone on silent or she was occupied with something else to do, and she’ll call/respond to you as soon as she gets it.

My advice is to not freak out until the day is over and the next day begins.

Which brings me to…

Explanation 3. She’s just not that into you.

As a matter of fact, the very sound of her phone ringing and the chance that it could be you creeps her out.

As that movie was for women it was also for men. If she doesn’t reply to you within a day then you might not be doing enough to get her attention or she just isn’t interested.

(2) From a female’s perspective

a. The caller(her)

All right, so a boy has got you trippin’ huh? Has got you all hot and bothered?

Well! Let me tell you, that’s off to a great start!

I love the feeling of being helplessly infatuated with someone. The beginning stages of indecision and butterflies in your stomach. It is all part of the process of having a great story.

A great story is made up of all different types of dimensions, plots, characters and what not. It goes through themes, the protagonist goes through obstacles and conflicts in order to realize the lessons in them.

So what if he hasn’t called? Does that mean that you have to wait on him? Wait till HE IS ready to call you?

That’s ridiculous! You shouldn’t have to wait for anybody. If he doesn’t pick up then at least you don’t have to waste your sweet time scratching that what-if itch of yours.

I say call him. Just call him!

The social stigma of a girl making the first move has drastically been rid of ever since the turn of the 21st century. If anything, the girl initiating is empowering. Hell, I do it all the time!

Look, what are you afraid of anyways? Let’s deal with it right now.

How you look when you're afraid. Still pretty but you would have looked better with a smile.

• He might back off and find me irritating: Well if that’s the case, you probably wouldn’t want to be dating a guy like him in the first place.  If he freaks out after one phone call, it’s not you who has the issue it’s him. Why? Because he has commitment phobia! He just doesn’t want a commitment period!
• I will feel rejected: In life, I believe everything is about perspective. Instead of feeling rejected, lets just turn that into feeling excitement or a sense of suspense. It is you who creates these feelings and it is you who equally can stop it from manifesting. And if it so happens to be that him not answering the call is his form of rejecting you then, it’s better sooner than later to know the truth. That way, you don’t have to waste any more time and move on to someone better suitable for you.

So don’t think girl, just close your eyes and have fun with it, give him a ring! I dare you 😉

b. The receiver (him) – Quick possible explanations as to why he doesn’t initiate

Explanation 1.  : He feels you’re too good for him.

I have a lot of guy friends who tell me that some girls are just too good for them so they don’t even try. This is mainly because of past experiences where their teenage crushes wouldn’t even give them a second glance every time they tried to get their attention.

It’s been conditioned on them not to try something that won’t happen in the first place.

Sometimes the guy backs off just so that he can get reassurance from you that you’re interested too. To put it plainly, in this century, he’s just too much of a gentleman, ironically enough.

So give him that hint, perhaps you’re playing way too cold in the game of hot & cold. Be warm to him, let him know you are aware of his existence–call.

Explanation 2. : He’s busy.

Since you’re not even at the beginning stages, he doesn’t see you as one of his main priorities. He has other things to do rather than talk to you. Don’t worry, he’ll call you back later; just breathe.

If in the event that he doesn’t get back to you within a day then…

Explanation 3: He’s just not that into you.

If you haven’t seen the movie already, I advise you to watch it. The story line could’ve been better, but then again what can you expect from a self-help book turned into a movie? I’m surprised they even manage to put it together in the first place.

But what you extract from the movie is not the saying, but it’s the feeling of being able to come to terms with the fact that he’s not interested so just let it go.  It’s not the end of the world if a guy doesn’t like you.

It’s life’s way of telling you that you’re fated for someone else. 🙂

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Bottom line, boys and girls, it doesn’t hurt to call. You stand to lose nothing but your pride, which isn’t such a bad thing to lose when you compare the benefits you can get if you managed to put it aside.

A wise man once told me, “The moment you begin ask yourself questions that start with Should, Would or Could is the moment that your intuition is telling you it is the right thing to do.”

So go for it! Life is too short to worry about fun experiences such as these, instead of loathe it, learn to enjoy it, it’s all about perspective remember? 😉