Tag Archives: How to overcome shyness

Once bitten, twice shy.

3 Feb

Once bitten, Twice Shy

I feel that some guys are shy and if there would anything to overcome that? Sometimes it’s hard to get things started in the first place. I am not sure how to deal with it.

All right, so this post is essentially going to be focused on how to overcome this ‘shyness’. So for all the charmers out there, you’re dismissed from this class.

We all want to win the object of our affection instead of lurking in the shadows behind them while doing the creep (aww, now DO DA  CREEP  awww) ; we want to be able to get them before anyone else does.

I understand but wishing for Popeye’s spinach is the close equivalent of finding the Holy Grail–it’s not going to happen. And even if you did manage to find it, you wouldn’t get very far because it just wouldn’t last.

Shyness is something that you can’t fix over night, but it’s definitely fixable. In fact, once you deal with it, it hardly ever becomes an issue later on.

So I’m indoctrinating  the Chinese proverb, ” Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.”

Just as my previous post stated, it’s expected that guys make the first move, which makes your job, as the silent heart breaker, much more difficult. But have no fear, Lovely Liz is here to your rescue. 😉

As for my beautiful women, it’s cute when girls are shy. But, if you want to be more outgoing and open, feel free to follow along.

Let’s try to tackle the possible reasons as to why you’re feeling shy:

I. You’re just not confident.


All right, that’s fine. Who wasn’t confident about themselves before? What you have to realize is that confidence is not born with you; it’s made.

How do you make confidence, you ask? Well, in order to make anything or fix anything for that matter you have to understand it’s nature.

If a pen isn’t writing as well as it should, you find out why by tracing how it carries out its function. ‘ Could it be the ink that needs to be refilled? Or perhaps its missing its spring?’. The same thing applies to your confidence or lack thereof.

You are the pen, the ink lies in your perception, with the spring/trigger as your confidence.

Your perception has everything to do with your confidence. You have to perceive and believe that you’re on par with everyone else. Most of the time we’re not confident is because we feel inferior to other people.

In order to get out of it, you have to start loving yourself.  It’s exactly how the cliché goes, ‘love yourself before you love others’–it’s true. And here’s why: people gravitate to positive energy.  If you’re always walking with a black cloud over your head nobody would want to hover around you, simply because they don’t want to be dragged down. I’ve had so many people tell me how they would stop hanging out with a friend going through depression mainly because they just don’t want to be responsible for the baggage. Okay, you’re right, they’re jerks for doing so. But the point is, if you have negative or low energy, people won’t gravitate towards you.

So just how are you going to start loving yourself?

a. Posture

Clark Kent to Superman

The best way to automatically feel better is by having a straight posture. Do as your mama always told you STAND UP STRAIGHT! Hold your head up high, even if you don’t feel so great. It’s scientifically proven that you would feel ten times better when you’re not hunched or dragging your feet. Sides, people size up others judging from their posture. You’ll notice that those who stand out or are the life of the party always have their backs straight.

b. Make a list of your positive traits

Okay, so this is going to seem like you’ve been enlisted back to the third grade, but trust me this works. List down traits that you are proud of, or that you like about yourself. If you’re not sure, ask your friends, surely they’d be able to add some insight, they’re your buddies after all right?

c. Make a list of how you would want people to see you as

Just as important as it is to know what positive traits you possess, it’s also good to think about what type of impression do you want to leave with people you meet. Do you want to be seen as charming? Funny? Witty? or cool? Whatever it is write it down, bring it out to light. And from there figure out how you can give that impression. It doesn’t mean that you’re not being true to yourself. You’re being more true to yourself by finding out who is  the person that you want to be.

II. You’ve still got the cooties from second grade.

Okay, so while we have people who, ahem, thrive on communicating with the opposite sex *wink*, there are those who haven’t gotten their cootie shots yet. Which is absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with this.  It’s not something that is seen as a bad thing, in fact it’s usually those who are a little bit too comfortable with the opposite sex that tend to receive bad press. So you’re actually in a secure place. But perhaps you’re feeling that you’ve been playing it too safe, and you want to break out of that shell. So the sure fire way to overcome this is to…

a. Practice, Practice Practice!

We are all aware that practice makes perfect. It’s time to start mingling more. Get yourself out there! Stop staying at home! Its time to break up with your hands! If you don’t want to initiate it, ask your friend to organize a dinner with a couple of friends including members of the opposite sex. Make it a point to talk to at least one girl/boy at the table. Get to know their interests, what do they study etc. But the purpose of this is to get familiar with the feeling of being around girls/boys, that way you’ll reduce your shyness by half when it comes to the real guy/girl in question.

III. You had a terrible experience in the past.


a. You were teased/laughed at/ put down by people

Usually a large portion of shyness/ low self-confidence is because of an onslaught of criticism about your behavior/personality etc. People didn’t like the way you dressed,  thought the way you talked was weird, thought your habits were weird,  said you were lame and you accepted them as truth.

From what I discovered was that sometimes people say these things out of spite or issues that they might have been experiencing in the past. It’s not always about you.

For example, George told John that he thought John made for a pretty boring person to hang out with. Although, this could be true, it might also be because they just don’t share the same interests. Maybe George liked football while John liked basketball, therefore, every time George tried talking about football John wouldn’t be able to add anything to the topic. Does that mean that John is a boring person? Possibly. But at the same time, John could be seen as an interesting buddy to somebody who was just as interested as he was in basketball.

It’s not your fault. What you have to realize is that people’s words shouldn’t count for anything. We all want to co exist but that doesn’t mean that everyone was meant to click with everyone. Some people just click with others better. So the next time somebody says something mean about you, just shrug it off*, don’t let them mold into something that you’re not. Just be who you want to be and who you’re proud of.

*of course I’m not telling you to shrug off every constructive criticism that you’re going to receive. I mean don’t get me wrong, if somebody says that you don’t clean up after yourself or what not, then you should definitely reflect on it!

b. You were rejected

So you were rejected way back when. So what? Everyone has been at least one in their life. You ask the Jock at your local gym and even he’ll have a sob story to tell.  What you have to know is that it is no one’s fault especially your own. You just liked someone who didn’t feel the same.

There are so many people in this world, each with a purpose or a goal in their lives. Therefore, sometimes you’re rejected because it wasn’t the right time or you guys just didn’t have that spark.

She's just not that into you.

Now from a negative perspective, it could very well be the Armageddon, but if you come to think of it, positively thinking, you saved yourself the time and trouble pursuing someone who never considered you in the first place. Why mope around and dwell on the past when you can look forward to the future? Look forward to the person who is going to love you and appreciate you for your qualities!

Personally for me, rejection was something that I feared, but then I realized that there isn’t anything to fear. In fact, I’d rather be rejected early on, so I can go on my jolly way to find my Mr.Right elsewhere 🙂

Don’t let your past or the person who hurt you  stop you from getting what you deserve the most; being loved and treated right. It is the reason why you’re trying to get over your shyness anyways right? To get that sweetheart you’ve been eying.

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When it all comes down to it, for whatever reason it may be, it’s important to love yourself because when you do, that’s when you build self-esteem. And when you have self-esteem the less shy you’ll be. Trust me, a person who’s proud of themselves have nothing and no reason to hide. I mean look at me, my ego is almost off-the-roof shameless but I love it all the same  😉