Would you be my single valentine?

Ahh, the day of love is approaching, right around the corner it waits just for the opportune moment to pounce on all the lovers out there.

But for the love-less, it’s often termed as Doom’s Day or the day of dread. I’d bet your bottom dollar that if we were to get a glimpse into the rooms of the lonely boys and girls out there we would find some moping, sitting on their couch watching sappy romantic movies while gulfing down a tub of ice cream. And I’m telling you now that I’d win that dollar of a bottom gig. Why? Haha, simply because of my research. Yes, I did my background work just to see whether gloating on V day was merely in the movies. Unfortunately, this is one of those cases where movies were based on these people. Yes, the people I interrogated were not going to do anything but hide in their rooms and let the time pass. Dream of the following day where they could avoid the heart-shaped land mines of shameless  PDA. Well–that sounds productive.

Would you really want to waste your day like that? Cower from Cupid’s arrows instead of striking back? Or would you be my single valentine? 😉

Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that you’re unattractive, for all I know you might be drop dead gorgeous, but this is not me asking you, my reader, out for a date.  This is me asking you whether you want to be a Single Valentiner.

“Oh me, oh my! Whatever could that mean?”

Let me break it down for you. A Single Valentiner, is one who laughs alone in the face of Love.  He/She is not afraid of what the day brings them, and is perfectly fine shining as an independent beacon. In short, MAD RESPECT.

Why do we need someone we fancy to celebrate Valentines? At the turn of the 21st century, everything is changing, and I love it.

Here’s why:

1. Independence is a great feeling to possess.

a. From a guy’s perspective

b. From a gal’s perspective

c. For all of y’all

then on top of that I’m going to give a list of

Things to do as a Single Valentiner

**Press [ctrl+f] to the topic that you’re interested in.

1. Independence is a great feeling to possess.

Since I could remember (probably 10 years back or more EEK!), being without a valentines or with that special someone would mean death–a real slugger. It would indicate that you were a lackluster in love, a loser of love-ish sorts.  You were that dim bulb dragging his/her feet down the hallways while couples would mock and point you down.  Let’s face it, you were a lonely loner. That or this could very well be my portrayal of what 9th grade looked like on a sunny valentines.

Fast forward to 2011, now, and what you have are perfectly lonely loners–The Independents. Those who are perfectly happy being without someone.

a. From a guy’s perspective

Yes, You are.

You don’t need a woman in fact you don’t even want one. It’s great isn’t it? To be free of the perils that these ladies lay out for you? You don’t need to think about what to get for her, nor do you need to stress about what she’s up to while you’re away from her. Calling her everyday is non-existent. Waiting for her to do her make-up, get dressed, pay for her shopping bills are relinquished. No more nagging, no more trying to change your boyish ways! Those days are over! You.are.single. Enjoy it.

b. From a gal’s perspective

RAWR!

You don’t need a man, let alone want one.  Hell, it’s gotta feel pretty damn good. I’m getting the chills just by deliberating it! You can trample all over them because they don’t matter. If they don’t like it, you’re walking! You already have your priorities straight. Sides, you are perfectly aware that there are so many more out there for you to choose from. If it didn’t work out for you this time, it will another just like an assembly line. You don’t need to think about fighting for his affections with other women; you are in a league of your own. You are stress-free, free from any obligation.

It’s empowering to be independent from a man. You are the Queen of your own world–no king needed.

c. For all of y’all

Of course, there are perks to having someone by your side, but think about your predicament–you have no one.

So you can either do two things:

I.  Look for anyone to fill that temporary position.

When you look for someone to fill that temporary position, this screams insecurity. To put it bluntly, you’re afraid of being alone! You must be those serial monogamists who have never breathed a day being single. You forgot what oxygen tasted like. It’s something unfamiliar to you. Fair enough, you’ve just been kicked out of your comfort zone i.e. relationship haven.

Desperation

Too many people who have fallen out of love have told me that the only way to get over the person is by replacing them with somebody else. WRONG. But I won’t go into details with this one, I’ll save it for my other articles.

What it comes down to is that when you look for anyone, you’re carrying unnecessary baggage just because you’re afraid of being alone. It’s really not worth it, instead why don’t you…

II. Have standards, don’t settle for just anything that walks, and STAY PUT.

When you do this, you’re saying to the world that you’re secure. You’re happy with who you are, and you don’t need anyone to reaffirm this.

When you have standards, not only do you have self-respect but it also guarantees that when you do decide to settle down with someone it will be someone you truly want to be with–someone right.

So, now that we’ve gotten an army of Single Valentiners here is

Things to do as a Single Valentiners

1. Organize a dinner for fellow singletons.

What better way to celebrate valentines then to form a group of your fellow same sex singletons? You’re single and hell they’re single too!  Go out for a great appetizing dinner [no homo], for ladies, you girls can have a romantic meal over candlelight. Talk about your scandals, sexcapades or play childish games like never ever. Immerse yourself in the joy of just having plain good fun with your friends. That’s what one of my girlies is doing for her Valentines and she’s so excited about it!

2. Have a ladies/men night out

Men's Night Out HU HA!

Now for your information, the people who are out and about partying are Single Valentiners (save for the few who are in long distance relationships). Not everyone is going to be moping at home. So after dinner why not head to town and dance the night away! This is a great time to sift through the ones who are single and the ones who are taken, basically because the ones who are taken won’t be there! This is your lucky day to strike up great conversation with a complete stranger looking to have a fun time.

All right, I know I know, Valentine’s day falls on a Monday. No outrageous

Ladies Night Out

parties, fine fair enough (actually it really depends on where you’re located, if in Hong Kong, then you’re most probably right). But that’s why it’s great to just enjoy the time without having to look for someone while you’re there. You don’t even have to dash to a club you can just go to a regular bar and talk over drinks! Play truth or dare. If there are prospects around, use them! The whole objective is just to have an amusing time.

3. A date for two with your best friend

If you don’t want a group of people, then why not your best friend or a good buddy of yours?

For the ladies, you can stay in your PJ’s and watch sappy romantic movies over popcorn or chocolate (yummm).

 

For men, you can watch the sports channel, dick flick or a chick flick even, it’ll be just between the two of you anyways, plus I bet you want to know what makes Zac Efron irresistibly hot to women.

4. Dress up as Cupid

I-so-would.

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Don’t be alone this Valentines! Do something different this time around, explore a little 😉

And for those who have a date, have a smashing time, consider yourself lucky! You’ve got somebody to romance! 😀

Once bitten, twice shy.

Once bitten, Twice Shy

I feel that some guys are shy and if there would anything to overcome that? Sometimes it’s hard to get things started in the first place. I am not sure how to deal with it.

All right, so this post is essentially going to be focused on how to overcome this ‘shyness’. So for all the charmers out there, you’re dismissed from this class.

We all want to win the object of our affection instead of lurking in the shadows behind them while doing the creep (aww, now DO DA  CREEP  awww) ; we want to be able to get them before anyone else does.

I understand but wishing for Popeye’s spinach is the close equivalent of finding the Holy Grail–it’s not going to happen. And even if you did manage to find it, you wouldn’t get very far because it just wouldn’t last.

Shyness is something that you can’t fix over night, but it’s definitely fixable. In fact, once you deal with it, it hardly ever becomes an issue later on.

So I’m indoctrinating  the Chinese proverb, ” Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today.  Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime.”

Just as my previous post stated, it’s expected that guys make the first move, which makes your job, as the silent heart breaker, much more difficult. But have no fear, Lovely Liz is here to your rescue. 😉

As for my beautiful women, it’s cute when girls are shy. But, if you want to be more outgoing and open, feel free to follow along.

Let’s try to tackle the possible reasons as to why you’re feeling shy:

I. You’re just not confident.

All right, that’s fine. Who wasn’t confident about themselves before? What you have to realize is that confidence is not born with you; it’s made.

How do you make confidence, you ask? Well, in order to make anything or fix anything for that matter you have to understand it’s nature.

If a pen isn’t writing as well as it should, you find out why by tracing how it carries out its function. ‘ Could it be the ink that needs to be refilled? Or perhaps its missing its spring?’. The same thing applies to your confidence or lack thereof.

You are the pen, the ink lies in your perception, with the spring/trigger as your confidence.

Your perception has everything to do with your confidence. You have to perceive and believe that you’re on par with everyone else. Most of the time we’re not confident is because we feel inferior to other people.

In order to get out of it, you have to start loving yourself.  It’s exactly how the cliché goes, ‘love yourself before you love others’–it’s true. And here’s why: people gravitate to positive energy.  If you’re always walking with a black cloud over your head nobody would want to hover around you, simply because they don’t want to be dragged down. I’ve had so many people tell me how they would stop hanging out with a friend going through depression mainly because they just don’t want to be responsible for the baggage. Okay, you’re right, they’re jerks for doing so. But the point is, if you have negative or low energy, people won’t gravitate towards you.

So just how are you going to start loving yourself?

a. Posture

Clark Kent to Superman

The best way to automatically feel better is by having a straight posture. Do as your mama always told you STAND UP STRAIGHT! Hold your head up high, even if you don’t feel so great. It’s scientifically proven that you would feel ten times better when you’re not hunched or dragging your feet. Sides, people size up others judging from their posture. You’ll notice that those who stand out or are the life of the party always have their backs straight.

b. Make a list of your positive traits

Okay, so this is going to seem like you’ve been enlisted back to the third grade, but trust me this works. List down traits that you are proud of, or that you like about yourself. If you’re not sure, ask your friends, surely they’d be able to add some insight, they’re your buddies after all right?

c. Make a list of how you would want people to see you as

Just as important as it is to know what positive traits you possess, it’s also good to think about what type of impression do you want to leave with people you meet. Do you want to be seen as charming? Funny? Witty? or cool? Whatever it is write it down, bring it out to light. And from there figure out how you can give that impression. It doesn’t mean that you’re not being true to yourself. You’re being more true to yourself by finding out who is  the person that you want to be.

II. You’ve still got the cooties from second grade.

Okay, so while we have people who, ahem, thrive on communicating with the opposite sex *wink*, there are those who haven’t gotten their cootie shots yet. Which is absolutely fine, there is nothing wrong with this.  It’s not something that is seen as a bad thing, in fact it’s usually those who are a little bit too comfortable with the opposite sex that tend to receive bad press. So you’re actually in a secure place. But perhaps you’re feeling that you’ve been playing it too safe, and you want to break out of that shell. So the sure fire way to overcome this is to…

a. Practice, Practice Practice!

We are all aware that practice makes perfect. It’s time to start mingling more. Get yourself out there! Stop staying at home! Its time to break up with your hands! If you don’t want to initiate it, ask your friend to organize a dinner with a couple of friends including members of the opposite sex. Make it a point to talk to at least one girl/boy at the table. Get to know their interests, what do they study etc. But the purpose of this is to get familiar with the feeling of being around girls/boys, that way you’ll reduce your shyness by half when it comes to the real guy/girl in question.

III. You had a terrible experience in the past.

a. You were teased/laughed at/ put down by people

Usually a large portion of shyness/ low self-confidence is because of an onslaught of criticism about your behavior/personality etc. People didn’t like the way you dressed,  thought the way you talked was weird, thought your habits were weird,  said you were lame and you accepted them as truth.

From what I discovered was that sometimes people say these things out of spite or issues that they might have been experiencing in the past. It’s not always about you.

For example, George told John that he thought John made for a pretty boring person to hang out with. Although, this could be true, it might also be because they just don’t share the same interests. Maybe George liked football while John liked basketball, therefore, every time George tried talking about football John wouldn’t be able to add anything to the topic. Does that mean that John is a boring person? Possibly. But at the same time, John could be seen as an interesting buddy to somebody who was just as interested as he was in basketball.

It’s not your fault. What you have to realize is that people’s words shouldn’t count for anything. We all want to co exist but that doesn’t mean that everyone was meant to click with everyone. Some people just click with others better. So the next time somebody says something mean about you, just shrug it off*, don’t let them mold into something that you’re not. Just be who you want to be and who you’re proud of.

*of course I’m not telling you to shrug off every constructive criticism that you’re going to receive. I mean don’t get me wrong, if somebody says that you don’t clean up after yourself or what not, then you should definitely reflect on it!

b. You were rejected

So you were rejected way back when. So what? Everyone has been at least one in their life. You ask the Jock at your local gym and even he’ll have a sob story to tell.  What you have to know is that it is no one’s fault especially your own. You just liked someone who didn’t feel the same.

There are so many people in this world, each with a purpose or a goal in their lives. Therefore, sometimes you’re rejected because it wasn’t the right time or you guys just didn’t have that spark.

She's just not that into you.

Now from a negative perspective, it could very well be the Armageddon, but if you come to think of it, positively thinking, you saved yourself the time and trouble pursuing someone who never considered you in the first place. Why mope around and dwell on the past when you can look forward to the future? Look forward to the person who is going to love you and appreciate you for your qualities!

Personally for me, rejection was something that I feared, but then I realized that there isn’t anything to fear. In fact, I’d rather be rejected early on, so I can go on my jolly way to find my Mr.Right elsewhere 🙂

Don’t let your past or the person who hurt you  stop you from getting what you deserve the most; being loved and treated right. It is the reason why you’re trying to get over your shyness anyways right? To get that sweetheart you’ve been eying.

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When it all comes down to it, for whatever reason it may be, it’s important to love yourself because when you do, that’s when you build self-esteem. And when you have self-esteem the less shy you’ll be. Trust me, a person who’s proud of themselves have nothing and no reason to hide. I mean look at me, my ego is almost off-the-roof shameless but I love it all the same  😉

Making the first move.

Ok, so the first love post starts off slowly, out of pure luck (the articles come in no particular order, just a first come first serve basis).

The First Move.

“She never initiates anything! I have to call her or else she won’t call me!”

Ahh, the typical syndrome of someone who is suffering from the ‘what-if’ itch. This someone will remain anonymous as requested (so no worries mate! ;P)

What-if itch (n.) – An itch that starts with the question what-if and ends with a million possibilities for the cure or the lack of one.

I’ll break this down into two levels**:

(1) From a male’s perspective:

a. The caller (him) dealing with

b. The receiver (her)

(2) From a female’s perspective:

a. The caller (her) dealing with

b. The receiver (him)

**So just hit [ctrl+f] with the topic you’re most interested in, to skip all the rest that you’re not.

(1) From a male’s perspective

a. The caller (him)

All right, so you fancy this girl but you’re unsure of how she feels about you. Every time you call her, you feel that you’re taking a great leap of faith because there’s a 50/50 chance of her not picking up.

Never mind her right now, we’ll get to HER later. Let’s just talk about your state of mind.

First off, I’m sorry to have to break this to you but YOU.ARE.A.MAN. Now, however post-modern you might feel about the whole chivalry-is-dead issue, unfortunately the whole world isn’t convinced. The whole world (or at least the female division), is still deeply rooted to the belief that men were born to make the first move!

Unluckily for you, you have to be able to close your eyes and jump in whatever the outcome. It is what separates the mice from the men really.

Having said that, it’s actually a good thing that you are expected to make the first move if ANYTHING is going to happen. The key is in the word ‘expected’. If it’s already expected of you to make the first move, then you really have nothing to lose except for disappointing her, which I’m sure, isn’t the first thing that crosses your mind when all you want is to win over her affection!

So don’t have a second thought, just call her, she’s probably waiting too!

Call her!

b. The receiver (her) – Quick possible explanations to her behavior towards you and a commitment of female blasphemy.

In the past, women who made the first move would be seen as too aggressive and unladylike. They would be looked down upon whilst sending gentlemen running for the hills. And the social stigma still carries on today.

Explanation 1. : She is too afraid to initiate.

Us women are afraid of how you and the rest of the people around you will see us. We want to be seen in the best possible light. We want to know the feeling of being wanted by the member of the opposite sex. It makes us feel happy and it makes us feel secure.

Self-concious

We read magazines and books on how we shouldn’t be too aggressive because we might scare the object of our affection away, because it puts pressure on his commitment valve.

This is what has been ingrained in our brains for centuries. We don’t act first, because most guys freak out at the first sign of any sort of commitment.

E.g. She calls and texts him every day without fail before they even start to go steady.

This is a red flag to the majority of male contingent. It signifies neediness. Neediness translates to dependency. Dependency = Suffocation to him.

Red Flag War Zone: This Woman is Evil. Me Must Run.

We want to be your heroine, not your nemesis! So it wouldn’t be logical for us to do something that goes against that–hence why we’re waiting for you to let us know your pace, because we’re lovely and adaptable like that. 🙂

Explanation 2. : She’s just busy.

Chances are she had her phone on silent or she was occupied with something else to do, and she’ll call/respond to you as soon as she gets it.

My advice is to not freak out until the day is over and the next day begins.

Which brings me to…

Explanation 3. She’s just not that into you.

As a matter of fact, the very sound of her phone ringing and the chance that it could be you creeps her out.

As that movie was for women it was also for men. If she doesn’t reply to you within a day then you might not be doing enough to get her attention or she just isn’t interested.

(2) From a female’s perspective

a. The caller(her)

All right, so a boy has got you trippin’ huh? Has got you all hot and bothered?

Well! Let me tell you, that’s off to a great start!

I love the feeling of being helplessly infatuated with someone. The beginning stages of indecision and butterflies in your stomach. It is all part of the process of having a great story.

A great story is made up of all different types of dimensions, plots, characters and what not. It goes through themes, the protagonist goes through obstacles and conflicts in order to realize the lessons in them.

So what if he hasn’t called? Does that mean that you have to wait on him? Wait till HE IS ready to call you?

That’s ridiculous! You shouldn’t have to wait for anybody. If he doesn’t pick up then at least you don’t have to waste your sweet time scratching that what-if itch of yours.

I say call him. Just call him!

The social stigma of a girl making the first move has drastically been rid of ever since the turn of the 21st century. If anything, the girl initiating is empowering. Hell, I do it all the time!

Look, what are you afraid of anyways? Let’s deal with it right now.

How you look when you're afraid. Still pretty but you would have looked better with a smile.

• He might back off and find me irritating: Well if that’s the case, you probably wouldn’t want to be dating a guy like him in the first place.  If he freaks out after one phone call, it’s not you who has the issue it’s him. Why? Because he has commitment phobia! He just doesn’t want a commitment period!
• I will feel rejected: In life, I believe everything is about perspective. Instead of feeling rejected, lets just turn that into feeling excitement or a sense of suspense. It is you who creates these feelings and it is you who equally can stop it from manifesting. And if it so happens to be that him not answering the call is his form of rejecting you then, it’s better sooner than later to know the truth. That way, you don’t have to waste any more time and move on to someone better suitable for you.

So don’t think girl, just close your eyes and have fun with it, give him a ring! I dare you 😉

b. The receiver (him) – Quick possible explanations as to why he doesn’t initiate

Explanation 1.  : He feels you’re too good for him.

I have a lot of guy friends who tell me that some girls are just too good for them so they don’t even try. This is mainly because of past experiences where their teenage crushes wouldn’t even give them a second glance every time they tried to get their attention.

It’s been conditioned on them not to try something that won’t happen in the first place.

Sometimes the guy backs off just so that he can get reassurance from you that you’re interested too. To put it plainly, in this century, he’s just too much of a gentleman, ironically enough.

So give him that hint, perhaps you’re playing way too cold in the game of hot & cold. Be warm to him, let him know you are aware of his existence–call.

Explanation 2. : He’s busy.

Since you’re not even at the beginning stages, he doesn’t see you as one of his main priorities. He has other things to do rather than talk to you. Don’t worry, he’ll call you back later; just breathe.

If in the event that he doesn’t get back to you within a day then…

Explanation 3: He’s just not that into you.

If you haven’t seen the movie already, I advise you to watch it. The story line could’ve been better, but then again what can you expect from a self-help book turned into a movie? I’m surprised they even manage to put it together in the first place.

But what you extract from the movie is not the saying, but it’s the feeling of being able to come to terms with the fact that he’s not interested so just let it go.  It’s not the end of the world if a guy doesn’t like you.

It’s life’s way of telling you that you’re fated for someone else. 🙂

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Bottom line, boys and girls, it doesn’t hurt to call. You stand to lose nothing but your pride, which isn’t such a bad thing to lose when you compare the benefits you can get if you managed to put it aside.

A wise man once told me, “The moment you begin ask yourself questions that start with Should, Would or Could is the moment that your intuition is telling you it is the right thing to do.”

So go for it! Life is too short to worry about fun experiences such as these, instead of loathe it, learn to enjoy it, it’s all about perspective remember? 😉

Enter Me.

I see fit to start off with an intro to all the posts that are to follow.

I’m not one for cliché starters and what not, so I’m just going to get right to it:

It’s just as my friend KD puts it, for me to be a love advice blogger that would have to mean that I had a lot of experience in the love department and the heart break factory which is very true.

I’ve always been in love with Love. I’ve been dating Love for as long as I could remember. Love has made me angry, cry, frustrated, jaded. Wow, pretty much the whole index of negative feelings. At the same time, it has made me happy, grow, laugh, smile and feel free.  Let’s face it, I have a love-hate relationship with love.

But who hasn’t?

Love gets around A LOT.  Which is probably the reason why:

• I was cheated on–obviously.
• I slowly began to lose all sense of self-esteem and self-love.
• I hit rock bottom (gradually) after I found out.

I reached my lowest point, but it’s like what they say,  “The only place to go when you hit rock bottom is up”.

Soon afterwards, instead of burying the dark times in my head, I decided to take them out of the woodwork. It was high time that I confronted my issues and moved on with my life. I’ll tell you this, it wasn’t easy, nothing ever is, but it wasn’t impossible either.

So, whatever you’re going through, it’s not impossible, I’ve had my fair share of love and  heart breaks to see it through and tell you that I’ve survived it!

I’m happy where I stand with a healthy love life.  How about you?

If you’re happy then I’m happy for you. If you aren’t, why is that?

Spill the beans, and let us get you to where you should be.

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Your thriving journey for a happy healthy romance starts now.

🙂